Overcoming Emotional Baggage - In Search Of The Baggage-Free life

Are You An Approval Junkie?

2012-01-19T18:00:00.000Z

Do you find you are always wanting to please others or seek their approval? Maybe they have made you feel inadequate in the past and you are striving to live up to who they expect you to be? Or it could be you are seeking to get their attention or love because without it, you just don’t feel right? If that is the case, kindly pause for a moment.

In the past, when I found myself entangled in such traps, I found the best thing to do was pull away for a while to establish what was driving me? Often times, it was the voices of others from my yesterdays and yesteryears telling me I needed to do better to gain their attention or affection. They told me I was not good enough. And so I found these statements constantly echoing in my mind. Seeing that I wanted their approval or fit in, I found myself dancing to their tunes by working harder, pushing myself beyond reasonable limits, setting unrealistic goals and conforming even though it went against the grain of who I was.

And so after feeling drained from seeking the approval of others, I found myself turning to God to remind me of whom I actually am, who I have been created to be and His precious thoughts towards me. After all, when all is said and done, that’s what really counts. Hearing words like, “you are special to Me”, “I love you”, “I’m proud of you” or “you are on the right track” gradually expunged my mind of the junk I had picked up along the way. I no longer needed to please others. I just needed simply be the woman God created me to be and walk with Him so as to be reminded of the precious being I am.

And when the penny dropped, I finally realised that I really don’t need to fight for any ones attention or love because I am famous to God! How liberating is that?

What Are Your Real Needs?

2011-12-15T19:00:00.001Z

Whilst you might real off a list of items like shoes, hand bags, clothes, gadgets, cars and the like, are these your REAL needs? The reality is that we have basic human needs such as having a sense of belonging, feeling loved, appreciated, esteemed, and feeling fulfilled. When we overlook these, they cause a gap or hole.

Mistakenly, many of us try to fill these holes with what we feel we need i.e. the materialistic items, as our present day encourages us to do. However, this never satisfies us – not in the long run anyway. And when we even try using other items such as food, alcohol, money/spending, work/busyness, gambling, and drugs, they end up creating other problems further down the line.

And so the time has to come when you must simply get real and ask yourself the tough question: ‘what are my real needs?’ Once identified and acknowledged, you need to find a way of meeting those needs. I suggest you incorporate the following: 1) God, 2) yourself and 3) others. From my experience, the God factor plays a crucial role and forms the foundation on which you can build on. So, you will need to pay attention to the spiritual side of you.

Next, you will need to take practical steps to meet your needs. If you want to feel more appreciated, loved and esteemed, you may want to consider, for example, being part of a loving and supportive community e.g. a church. You may also need to review your relationships (i.e. close friends, acquaintances) and possibly ‘drop’ some friends and seek new ones. If you are feeling unfulfilled, you may want to take time out to reflect on the question, ‘why am I here?’ in relation to your purpose. It could be that you have not tapped into your innate resources (i.e. gifts/talents, skills) and applied it..

In closing, remember that when we don’t get our needs met, we end up taking the wrong action and filling the ‘holes’ of our lives with the wrong thing. Don’t fall into this trap. Instead, look inwardly and I believe you will find the answers you are looking for.

Written by Gladys Famoriyo (Author, Healing A Discouraged Heart & Overcoming Emotional Baggage). Find our more about our events and resources at www.gladysf.com or call +44(0)870 750 1969.

Stop Trying To Live Up To The Expectations Of Others

2011-12-01T19:00:00.001Z

This morning in the gym, I attended a spin class. Despite attending spin classes for a while, it never seems to get any easier (gruelling but worth it). Anyhow, I was coming to the end of a particularly tough class with only 5 minutes to go of the 45-minute class. I had given the session everything I had and was now running out of steam. And so, I found myself slowing down. All of a sudden, I heard a voice shout out from behind me "only 34 miles per hour (mph)?". It was NOT God by the way! Apparently, one of my fellow classmates behind me thought my efforts were not good enough. And so he felt the need to share it with no only me be those nearby.

Now, the old ‘Gladys’ would have tried to live up to this guys expectations. I would have told myself, "common girl, push yourself even harder!" and would have punishingly pushed myself to crazy limits despite the fact that I was now running on empty.

And so I was rather pleased with myself when I jokingly responded by saying, “mind your own business” - in a friendly manner of course. Rather than trying to attain something I knew I could not, I remained where I was, knowing that I had given it my best shot. By the way, where was my nosey friend when I was hitting 120 mph or when I was doing an average speed of 85-95 mph consistently? Where was he when I had previously covered over 19km in 45 minutes (a personal best for me who was an absolute novice when I first started the classes)? If only he knew where I started from, if only he knew my story, he might have rejoiced with me (as I suspect Jesus would have) and cheered me on.

The fact is I am not that guy or anyone else for that matter. He has not walked (or cycled) a mile in my shoes. He has not had my life experiences or faced the challenges I have had to along the way. He has no clue of my strengths or areas of development (aka weaknesses). He has no inkling of the energy one musters, at times, to face the race of life each day. And whilst he might be experiencing bursts of energy, climbing up the mountains of life, I might be coming down one after my time at the peak of the summit.

And so, this reinforces my personal and lifetime aspiration to just be ME. Rather than being driven by what the Jones are doing next door, I am remaining in tune with what Father has for me in this season of my life. Why? Because when I try to pander to others expectations, I might do well for a time but tends to be unsustainable. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not about being a slacker but being authentic and recognising the season I am in. And when I don't, I slip out of "the unforced rhythms of grace" Jesus suggested (Matt11:28-31 MSG) and life becomes a hard chore. Moreover, I end up with emotional baggage (e.g. negative emotions) which then harms me spiritually, physically and mentally.

So if you want to live baggage free, forget the expectations of others. Instead, let your inner voice (God) lead you. After all, He knows when you need to speed up or slow down. I call Him the best coach ever. Try Him if you have not already got Him by your side.

Ps: Oh, I forgot to mention that the nosey guy in my class was actually an off duty gym instructor/personal trainer with years of experience!!! Could I ever live up to his standards or abilities? Probably not as he lives in the gym :-) Hence my decision to follow my inner voice.

Written by Gladys Famoriyo (Author, Healing A Discouraged Heart & Overcoming Emotional Baggage). Find our more about our events and resources at www.gladysf.com or call +44(0)870 750 1969.

Who Do Men Say I Am? Rediscovering Your True Identity

2011-11-23T16:51:00.000Z

Have you noticed how society seems to increasingly want to influence our God-given identities? We get labels tagged on our backs to describe our race, background, life experiences, gender, past mistakes, health, marital status, job situation, worth and much more. After a while, it’s like we end up being a collage of labels with the real person God created missing in action. Even us Kingdom folk (co-heirs to the Throne, might I add) get caught up in these pseudo-identities and start to living up to them.

Therefore, it’s high time we wake up and reclaim our true identities in Christ. By doing so, we become a formidable threat to the enemy and can progress Gods plans. Settling for anything less means we fail to experience Gods abundance and no longer walk as a royal priesthood. We end up being like ‘Princes walking on the ground like servants’ as Solomon puts it in Ecclesiastes 10:7, whilst servants are riding on horses. What a travesty yet this is the reality for many today.

Modern Times, Same Old Tricks

Take a walk through history and you will see the hallmarks of the devil up to his old tricks. He whispered lies into the ears of Eve (Genesis 3). Today, many of us (men and women) still lend our ears to him. He convinced ten of the twelve spies Moses sent out to spy out Canaan that they were no more than grasshoppers (Numbers 13-14). As a result, many still believe, “We are not able….” (Numbers 13:31). Goliath tried to intimidate David by making him feel he was not a worthy opponent (1 Samuel 17). Today, many of us never rise up to take our rightful place or stand our ground. The chances are there many Joshua’s, Jeremiah’s and Timothy’s out there who are sitting on their ‘blessed assurance’ after being labelled ‘too young’ to lead Gods people or speak on Gods behalf.

Even Jesus was not exempted. However, despite the constant rejection and challenges to His identity and authority, Jesus depicted someone who truly knew 1) who He was (i.e. who He was created to be), 2) His standing with God (i.e. His relationship with the Father), 3) His God-given authority, and 4) His mission (what He was created to do). Have you noticed that these are exactly the same threats, we too, face today? Why? Because the devil knows if he can get us to merely question any of these areas, albeit for a moment, he can get a foothold and take us down a slippery slop. Therefore, we need to remain on guard.

Reclaiming Our Identities

Thankfully, God knew the challenges we would face as a result of the fall. And so He put a few things in place. Firstly, Christ was sent to set us free and restore everything including our identity and standing with God. All that was lost through Adam has been restored through Christ. And now, we can walk like princes and co-heirs to the throne because that’s who we really are. We just need to think like a prince and act like one.

Secondly, God knew there would be times we would loose sight of our true selves for whatever reason or even have our identities, authority and purpose challenged. And so He inspired men to write the Bible as reminders along our journey. Notice how many ‘fear not’, ‘be strong’, or ‘be encouraged’ statements are in the Bible in addition to the plethora of affirming, self-esteem boosting and hope-giving accounts too. They are there to give us a lift when needed.

It’s All In The Mind

To discover and maintain our identity requires work. We must continually renew our minds (Romans 12:1-2). Gods Word helps us purge ourselves from the constant bombardment that speaks lies to our souls. Without it, we get muddled, diluted and eventually ‘washed out’ or as Jesus likes to put it, ‘loose our saltiness’. And so, we need to play our part by reminding ourselves (and others) of Gods spiritual truths about us.

The issue of our self-identity, worth and esteem is one of the several themes we shall be tackling in this years Overcoming Emotional Baggage Women's Conference (October 8th, London – www.overcomingemotionalbaggage.com). Why? For all the reason mentioned above. Moreover, without such conferences, we end up settling and become accepting of that which ought to infuriate us and compel us to action. Seeing that the enemy has not relented, why should we?

In closing, I encourage you to cast away everything including ungodly labels and identities that heavily beset you (Hebrews 12:1-2) and assume your ‘real’ identity. Don’t waste another day living as a ‘grasshopper’ or mere shadow of the great man/woman God created you to be.

And as for my final request to you, will the REAL you please stand up and take your place. We need the greatness God has deposited in you. And when you arise and shine, I am encouraged to do the same too. So will you?

Written by Gladys Famoriyo (Author, Healing A Discouraged Heart & Overcoming Emotional Baggage). Find our more about our events and resources at www.gladysf.com or call +44(0)870 750 1969.

Quick Tips To Promoting Your Emotional Wellbeing

2011-07-26T11:00:00.003+01:00

1. Strive to make the following a reality in your life: Equilibrium, Harmony, Peace, Contentment, Pace, Time management.

2. Try to avoid triggers that may affect your wellbeing e.g. Stress, pressure, over committing yourself, too much going on at the same time.

3. Balance all the segments of your life such as: Physical environment, health, career, relationships, fun, personal development

4. Watch out for early warning signs:

a. Physical: Feeling run down, drained, change in appetite and sleeping patterns.

b. Emotional: Lack of motivation, sense of hopeleness, negative outlook, detachment.

c. Spiritual: Issues with God, feeling forsaken, issues with forgiveness, guilt, finding it difficult to pray.

d. Social: Isolation, withdrawing from responsibilities, using food, drugs, money, etc to cope,

5. Get the support you need: Friends, family, professional help (e.g. counselling)

Quick Tips To Ditching Your Baggage

2011-07-19T11:00:00.003+01:00

1. Uncover your ‘emotional baggage’ e.g. unresolved issues, negative emotions, unhealthy or inaccurate mindsets, etc.

2. Take action to bring about your emotional restoration and wellbeing:
• God-help: Ask God to help you on your journey. Trust me, you will need His help to uncover, deal with any issues and embark your journey to wholeness.

• Self-help: Identify specific actions you can START, STOP or CONTINUE to promote your restoration/wellbeing e.g. breaking or restoring a relationship, setting healthier boundaries (e.g. learning to say ‘no’), forgiving someone, avoiding isolation, etc.

3. A key part of your journey to restoration is monitoring your progress. So build in some ‘me’ time to prayerfully reflect on your progress and make adjustments when necessary.

Get Real With Yourself And Avoid Emotional Traps!

2011-07-13T11:00:00.001+01:00

Want to avoid emotional entanglements? Follow my four simple tips to help you become real with yourself:

Be Honest About The Way You Feel: This could be about the way you feel about a person (including yourself), a situation and/or experience. And accept the feelings and emotions that show up such as fear, grief, loss, hurt, etc. But don’t settle there. Take steps to bring about your restoration.

Stop Hiding: Don’t be afraid to reveal your real self to others. It takes a lot of energy to keep a mask on, whilst keeping up a pretence. By the way, hiding can involve you hiding both your good parts (e.g. qualities, skills, achievements, experience, etc) and your bad parts (e.g. shortcomings, failures, challenges, etc). If the people around you are not comfortable with the real you or don’t accept you for who you are, I suggest you consider changing your network.

Accept The Person You Have Been Created To Be (warts and all): Many of us spend our lives trying to be someone else or change ourselves as opposed to discovering and maximising all that we are. And as a result, you may find yourself being unfulfilled in certain areas of your life (if not all). To avoid this, I encourage you to rediscover yourself. By this I mean taking the time out to understand who you are, what makes you tick, your qualities, likes/dislikes, talents, personality, passions, desires, strengths and areas of development. I call this your personal inventory. Once done, you now have a basis to make smarter decisions and choices for your life.

Avoid Dancing To The Tune Of Others: This happens when you have no real clarity of the person you are and/or you are inclined to being a ‘people pleaser’. In so doing, you allow others to call the shots of your life. Years down the line, you look back and wonder how you ended up where you find yourself today (e.g. your career, relationships, finances, etc). To overcome this, you will need to take charge of your life. After all, you are the CEO of Your Life Inc. So start by creating strategies and a plan of action based on your life vision, mission and purpose – not that of your parents, family, friends, boss, religious leader, etc.

Please Let Me Be!

2011-06-20T16:07:00.001+01:00

A note to all those who feel the need to tell me how to live, be, do, think...LET ME BE!

Let me be the woman I was created to be. You might not 'get' me or understand the rational behind what I do but that's ok. But please don't feel the need to change me into something I am not. Rather, make the effort to understand me. Better still; accept me the way I am. I'm not saying I have it all figured out or I'm any where near perfect but I'm a work in progress.

So stop trying to ‘put out my light’. Avoid the need to quench the passions that I have. Don’t put me in a box. Above all, stop telling me how I should live my life. That’s my job because I'm the CEO of My Life Inc. Just watch this space. And over time, you will see the epitome of my uniqueness shine through. And some day, you will see the woman God had in mind rise and take her place in this world.

So please, let me be!

Take Charge Of Your Mind

2011-06-17T11:25:00.000+01:00

Does it sometimes feel like your mind is calling the shots of your life? If so, take charge! Remember your attitudes, beliefs, and thoughts drive your behaviours. So if you have been 'acting up' of late, you may want reflect on what you allow into your mind and/or what you have permitted to settle in it. Next, give your mind a Detox. I practice this through praying, reading scripture and other 'wholesome' food along with other activities to nurture and develop my mind. Practice this regularly and you WILL see a change.

Let’s People offload Their Emotional Baggage: Can The Church To Do More?

2011-02-21T22:06:00.002Z

In November 2010, my organisation hosted the first Overcoming Emotional Baggage for Women conference aimed at supporting women with troubled souls and discouraged hearts. My talk titled, “When Life Hurts…What Next?”, encouraged women to start their journey to restoration rather than continue to live with their unresolved issues, which brings about the inner unrest.

Both myself and our other speaker, Sharon Platt-McDonald (Director of health and disability ministries for the Seventh-day Adventist church) explored how our ‘unfinished businesses’ affects every aspect of our lives including our relationship with God and others. We also shared practical steps and scripture to get our attendees started on their personal journeys to wholeness and ended with prayer.

And now the dust has settled after the conference, I can't help but to wonder whether there is a case for the church to ‘up its game’ and do more in the area of emotional restoration. Based on the extensive feedback we have had from attendees, the conversations, testimonies and the ever increasing daily requests for more events, resources, etc, I am fully persuaded that we have an unmet need in the body of Christ. Whilst we, as the church, have advanced in many areas, I truly believe we have a fair way to go when it comes to mind and soul matters. As a result, many of us, especially as women, struggle to find solace within the church walls.

The Silencing Of The Lambs

For a number of years now, I had felt that the church had remained silent and even inert on matters that pertained to the mind and soul, much less dealing with the specific needs that women present. A while back, we saw an uprise of initiatives like of Bishop T.D. Jakes’ “Woman Thou Art Loosed”, Juanita Bynum’s “No More Sheets”, and Joyce Meyer’s ministry, which thankfully, started many of us on our journeys to dealing with our inner selves. However, many years later and there seems to be a loss in momentum which could falsely indicate there is no longer a need.

As a result, we now have women trapped with baggage of their past or present, yet keeping silent and remaining stuck. This was the place many of our attendees found themselves and I could personally relate to their experiences. Though we keep attending church, our inner challenges persist. And for some of us, we bury ourselves so deep in church and life, we loose touch with our true selves.

And even if we decided to talk, who do we dare tell? For we secretly fear the stigma attached to someone with emotional/mental challenges (an indication of how we treat those amongst us with such needs). We keep silent because of insensitive responses from well meaning saints or rebuttals by people around us plagued with the ‘Jobs friends’ syndrome. And if you hold any role or responsibility, this is more likely frowned upon, just like in some work environments, where it is considered to be a sign of weakness. And so we are muffled to silence.

During the conference, Sharon Platt-McDonald (author, Healing Hearts, Restoring Minds) shared a heart-rending story that typifies this. The daughter of a church leader (who we will call Dinah) was raped by one of the church members who was in a study group she was part of. Sadly, it was decided the best way forward was to brush the matter under the carpet and cover it up instead of dealing with it. As a result of not getting the necessary support she needed, Dinah experienced a mental breakdown and was institutionalised. It was at this institution Sharon met Dinah. Over time, Sharon was able to nurse her back to complete health through the Word of God, prayer and her nursing training. Today, Dinah is back on fire for God and fully restored.

A Call For Change – Let’s Work Together

Today, there are many ‘Dinah’s’ in the church who are breaking down on the inside – with no one to hear their stories much less do anything about it. Over the years, I have spoken to many ‘Dinah’s who feel there is a lack of specific support within their local church. I agree that whilst some churches have developed great programmes and/or forged links with external organisations to tackle the needs of the ‘Dinah’s’ (or our wounded soldiers in general), these tend to be few and far between and are not necessarily accessible to all. So couple this with the fear of opening up, and you get women who remain traumatised and hurting for years.

So why should it surprise us when we hear of a saint committing suicide, experiencing a break down or leaving the church to find solace elsewhere? Is the devil really to blame here or is it a case of us not being our sisters keeper? I believe all of us, from the pulpit to the pews, can do much more in this regards.

Personally, I strive for the day when all women (within the church and beyond) will have access to the needed support to overcome the hurdles life presents. I long for the day when churches will be the place people (religious or not) will come to seek healing on every level – a place where God can demonstrate the extent of His healing power.

That said, I perceive Father is already on the move. An indication of this are the springing up of parachurch initiatives like Mind and Soul (Premier), the Mental Health Strategy for churches (Sharon Platt-McDonald/Seventh-day Adventist church) along with our Overcoming Emotional Baggage for Women initiative and eWoman Groups. I know there are many other great organisations out there, however, I pray for a more joined up approach between such initiatives and the local church. Ultimately, our goal is to get the support to those who need it so Gods people no longer need to perish because of lack of knowledge.

Want To Succeed With Your Goals? Work On The Inner You

2010-09-15T15:23:00.001+01:00

Every year, millions of us start making plans to achieve our and/or professional goals. These may include landing a dream job, starting or building a business, buying a home, writing a book, embarking a training/professional programme, etc. However, if you are serious about making your goals/aspirations a success, I have a tip for you: Work on the inner you. Specifically, Get Rid Of Your Emotional Clutter!

Why is this important?

Well, my years of supporting women and leaders become successful confirmed my theories in that success requires what I refer to as success-promoting factors. From my experience, emotional baggage is NOT one of them! Emotional baggage is the stuff we accumulate through our life experiences such as unresolved issues, low self-esteem, etc. When care is not taken to overcome these in a healthy manner, they end up obstructing your capability for success.

Over the years, I have seen:

Great ideas come to nought.
High flyers take a downward spiral.
Managers/leaders stifle or destroy their careers.
Professionals short change themselves.
Businesses fail to flourish.
Innumerable potentials fail to be materialised or maximised.
And much more.

Truthfully speaking, after seeing this once to many times, it compelled me to write my book, Overcoming Emotional Baggage, to support women (in particular) who are heading for the top.

So what's the answer?

Simply put, eradicate your emotional baggage! Sadly, when left with no real support, you may join the ranks of many who opt to deny the obvious, sidestep issues and pretend everything is ok whilst hiding behind masks. To cope, you may find yourself resorting to the likes of addictive behaviours e.g. food (comfort eating), money (‘retail therapy’), alcohol, work, drugs, etc – all which open up a can of worms.

The fact is overcoming emotional baggage requires internal changes (attitudes and beliefs) as these are what underpin your behaviours. It requires confronting underlying issues as opposed to merely treating emotional symptoms. It also requires support. Without these, you will find your emotional baggage becoming an obstacle to your success (whichever way you define it) like it has done to countless others. So I guess now is a great time to seriously consider why you may not have been successful with your past/current goals. Look beneath the surface and ask yourself, “What’s really going on?”. Why have another year go by with your success (yet again) impinged on by your emotional clutter?

Therefore, if you are truly serious about succeeding this year, consider doing the following:

Discover if you are carrying emotional baggage.
Understand how your emotional baggage may have affected you as a person and/or stifled/hindered your success.
Find out what techniques you have adopted in the past.
Learn practical strategies to overcome them in a healthy manner.
Implement support systems to avoid them affecting your potential for success.
Take time out to assess the impact of your behaviours.

Are Your Reservoirs Full?

2010-08-18T11:59:00.001+01:00

Do you find yourself constantly sacrificing yourself for others, to your own detriment?
Are you drained from continuously 'doing' without the necessary investment to keep you going?

If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, my question to you is how long do you think you will last running on empty?

Honestly, life is not about constantly being ‘on the go’. It is about striking a healthy balance between what you ‘pour out’ and what you ‘pour back in’. As you pour out, you need to replace what you have become devoid of. Doing this helps you remain ‘fit for service’. Just the same way you will not drive your car on an empty gas tank, is the same way you ought to treat yourself.

What many of us fail to realise is that our abilities, effectiveness, performance, and results are affected by the amount of self-investment we participate in (or the lack of it). Remember saying, garbage in, garbage out? Well, it’s true as you can only give out of what you have in your reservoirs.

So for you to function well, you need to make sure you fill up on what you need, on every level. In addition to this, your ‘engine’ needs to be serviced regularly. For this to happen, you will need to turn off your engine and put on the brakes. Why? Because you can't service a moving car! Get my drift?

Therefore, if you are serious about being effective and successful in all that you do, take time to consider the state of your physical, spiritual, and emotional reservoirs. Are they full, adequate or running low? Depending on your response, I suggest you aim to keep them on full at all times to get the best out of YOU! After all, we all know what happens to a car with an empty gas tank….it breaks down!

It’s High Time For My Time!

2010-07-28T11:55:00.002+01:00

Nowadays, we seem to be doing so much – all at the same time. Those around us are constantly demanding more of our time, efforts, and even our money. In return, we continue to yield even more. Being the resourceful creatures we are, we find ourselves wearing many hats such as wife/girlfriend, mummy, career/business woman, older/eldest sister, student, friend, counsellor, and much more – all at the same time. We just seem to keep pouring out.

But if you can just pause for a moment, I would like to remind you of the fact that you are human and you deserve some attention, too. Just the same way you nurture, support, develop others, you need the same poured back into you. Let me ask you this, whilst you’re out there saving the world, who meets your needs? How much longer can you keep poring out into others all the while never being refilled or recharging your batteries? Think of a car, if you stop putting fuel in, it will eventually stop. If you also omit to put in all the other ‘essentials’ for running a car such as engine oil, you’ll soon enough have a ‘broke’ down car.

It’s sad to think that we live in a day and age where the mere thought of taking time out sends most of us on a guilt trip. But why? Is it that we do not deserve it? Nah! Most of us deserve it (and more) but don’t quite put the systems in place to make it happen.

So just in case you think you're superwoman and the world cannot do without you, ponder on the answer to these questions:

• How much longer can you keep going without taking time out? What effect would this have on you physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

• Fast forward your life to 5, 10 or even 15 years from now, what shape would you be in (if anything at all)?

• If you were no longer around, do you really think everything would stop?

• Do you often find yourself saying, “If I don’t do it, who will?” If so, ask yourself, “what’s the worst that could happen if I don’t do it?”

• What difference do you think it would make to your effectiveness and productivity if you were to take (more) time out for yourself?

If the answers to these questions made you stop and think, why not take it one step further and do something about it. It does not have to be anything major but its all about carving out some daily, weekly, monthly, yearly ‘me’ time for something as simple as taking a stroll in the park, a bicycle ride, having time to read, having a facial, going on holiday/retreat or even a health spa. Now just before you cry out “I cannot afford it”, if you do enough research, you’ll discover that some of these things don’t cost the earth whilst some are free. There is something out there to suit everyone’s budget. So all you need to do is make the time for it.

Is that too much to ask for yourself? I’m sure you deserve much more. And puhleeze, take the words, “I’m too busy” out of your vocabulary. The world will not collapse if you decide to take a moment or two for yourself. Please change this preconception. It really is not healthy. No matter how busy you are, you owe it to yourself to take time out to recharge your batteries! Have you considered what would happen when you are no longer with us on earth? The world continues, luv!

On a more serious note, I want you to be around long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labours. What’s the point of working yourself to an early grave? So please pace yourself. I know we live in a driven society but let wisdom prevail. Make your own rules as to how you want to live your life and start living it. As for me, I have kissed goodbye the “I’m so busy saving the world, I have not got time for me” kind of life and I am loving it. I only do what I need to do and leave the rest. Why not try it yourself?

I leave you in peace

It’s All In The Mind

2010-07-07T11:52:00.004+01:00

Have you ever thought about the powerful correlation that exists between the state of ones mind and the level of success one accomplishes. Do you realise that harbouring unhealthy emotional traits can thwart all your good intentions to succeed? This is particularly important for those aiming for the top.

You’ve heard the parable of the foolish man who built his house on the sands. When the storms of life come along, it all came toppling down. Well that’s what could potentially happen if you’re emotional foundations are not strong enough to hold up the success structures your planning to build. You see your foundation is the base you build various aspects of your life. The stronger it is, the more chances you have to succeed in life. If your foundation is weak, sooner or later the empire you’re building will topple over.
To attract and retain success requires you to be in the best emotional shape possible. So can I ask you, how healthy are your emotions? Are your unresolved issues or unmet needs the driving force in your life? Are they dictating the decisions you make or how you run your life? Another good indicator is when your emotions are all over the place (high one day, low another) or the real you takes a back seat – dancing to the tune of others.

Please bear in mind that your emotions are a powerful force that can propel you in the right direction or clog you up and hinder your ability to attract and retain success. Think about it, how many emotionally unstable people have lasting success? Very few – if any at all!

So why not start strengthening your foundation by getting rid of unresolved issues with the aim of developing a healthy state of mind. Only then will you be really free to be yourself. Moreover, you'll be in a position to make the right decisions to take you in the direction you want to go.

Remember, you can only go as far as your foundations will permit you!

Three Myths That Can Sabotage Your Potential For Success

2010-06-16T11:46:00.002+01:00

In recent years, I have been looking into the emotional challenges women face and how this affects our ability to succeed. I discovered the fact that a number of us embraced certain myths, which in the long term could have a negative impact on our emotional well-being. And when care is not taken to redress this, our potential to succeed could be dramatically affected.
Below are the top three myths I have come across:

“I’m doing well in my career/business. So, this must be an indication that I’m fine”. Not in all instances. Moreover, if you want lasting success versus being a one-hit-wonder or avoid falling from glory (as some do) demands you invest in all areas of your life including your emotional life.

“I seem to be in a pretty good condition. Therefore the rest of me must be too.” On the contrary! Just because certain parts of ‘you’ are in good shape does not mean that your entire being is. Having a healthy body or spirit does not always equate to a healthy mind (though it does help!).

“I have always been this way” or “This is the way I am”. This may be true. However, bear in mind that your attitudes and beliefs drive your behaviours. So maybe it is time you deal with some of the mind-sets you have held on to.

I firmly believe that there is a strong link between our emotional well-being and our levels of success. Therefore, it makes sense to invest in this integral part of our being as failure to do so can render even our best efforts and intentions to nought. It’s akin to pouring water into a cracked cup. Sooner or later, its contents leaks out!

So as the year gradually comes to an end, take some time to consider some of the mind-sets you may embrace and/or the general state of your emotional life. If either are unhealthy, I implore you to do something about it. After all, your success depends on it!

Is It Time For A Beak?

2010-05-26T11:44:00.003+01:00

Many of us (me included) rush around through life trying to accomplish our great dreams and goals. Day in, day out, we forge ahead at full speed despite the huge challenges and pressures we face (not forgetting the disappointments too!). Yet many of us don’t know when to apply the breaks. Before you know it, your effectiveness, productivity, capabilities, motivation, etc plummets.

Take a moment to consider these questions. Are you feeling disillusioned, frustrated or unmotivated? Are you suffering from burnout physically, spiritually or emotionally? These are telltale signs that you are heading for a fall. So can I suggest something? Why not give yourself a well-deserved break? Why not carve out a few days, weeks or even months – depending on your personal needs, to nurture yourself and get yourself back up to speed?

Take it from a Pro. You are only human – not superhuman. After a period of hard graft, it is only natural to feel exhausted. After constant disappointments, its natural to feel disillusioned or frustrated. However, you need to ensure that you put systems in place to support you finishing your life journey and finish it well (i.e. healthy and sane!). Part of your plan ought to be taking a break. Funny isn’t it how we know to take our cars in for a service after driving for a certain period of time or number of miles, yet we struggle to do the same for ourselves. What an irony.

So why not take some time out to rekindle the fires that were once alight in you? This will allow you to rest, reflect, be restored, replenished, and refocused. You owe it to yourself! More importantly, you owe it to the people you have been created to serve (i.e. the rest of us). Trust me Sis, we need you whole and well.

Deal With Your F.E.A.R!

2010-05-05T11:40:00.004+01:00

Have you ever started a project, dream or goal and but quit because of your fears? Maybe you had an idea but never got it off the ground because you thought it might not workout? Are you the type whose mind conjures 101 images of what could go wrong? Sounds like you may have been bitten by the FEAR bug?

People, bound by fear, are often fearful of the task (size, effort, costs, challenges, etc) and/or its potential outcome. Because of this, some never bother starting and those who do, end up quitting.

Can I just be real here? Please understand that fear will always come – even to the best of us. However, pioneers know how to deal with it. They make internal mind shifts and develop attitudes and beliefs that eventually drown out the voices that says, “you can't do it” or “you will fail”. They confront their fears rather than allow them to overrule them.

I remember when I first started writing, thoughts of “you can't write!” or “it’s hard to get a book published” bombarded my mind but I persevered. However, after writing two books and countless published articles, I now recognise it was simply fear trying to hold me back.

So turning the focus on you, have you allowed fear to creep in and hinder you from doing what you were created to do? Take a moment to reflect on the people whose lives you could have changed with your project or idea (including yours). Consider the fulfilment and sheer joy you would have felt upon conquering your fear and achieving your desires.

Remember one way of defining F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. What has fear made to appear real to you? By the way, what is the worst that can happen anyway? If things do not go according to plan, you have merely discovered one way on how not to do things. So simply try another.

In conclusion, recognise that some of your greatest battles take place in your mind and you need to win the battle there first, before taking any action. Overcome your fears and you become limitless in your potential. So why not take that leap of faith and go for it anyway? After all, you have nothing to loose and plenty to gain.

Are You A Survivor?

2010-04-14T11:35:00.001+01:00

I recently came across the lyrics of the song, “I am a survivor” by Destiny’s Child and it made me think. Whilst the song appears to be talking of a failed relationship, it can be applied to any challenging situation you may face (disappointment, loss, depression, ill-health, etc). For me, it was a wake up call to say, actually, I AM A SURVIVOR – through Gods grace and no strength of mine

At times, we get too caught up in what we are going through to realise that we are still standing despite what we are facing or have faced. I am guilty of this and it is so easy to do in the midst of your storm. But when you care to look back, you actually wonder how you got out of the situation alive or remained SANE! Things ALWAYS look bad when you are going through!

So would you say you are a survivor? Now please note, just because you did not get the outcome you wanted or was emotionally battered along the way does not mean you are not.. But they are not failures. Just in case you are wondering, by surviving, I refer to the process of coming through a situation (against the odds) whilst learning lessons that change you for the better. In fact, we can also call this conquering.

Therefore, I encourage you to take a look down memory lane and reflect on your journey. Use this to fuel your decision, choices, attitudes and behaviours for your future. Ponder if there are any lessons life it trying to teach you. Whilst you might not feel victorious, think of all the other precious women out there who may not have made it this far. So I ask you again, are you a survivor/conqueror?

Ps: If you still don’t feel like you a are survivor/conqueror, could it be you need support to get you through this period? Why not get the help you need? Find a trusted friend who can talk, pray, and encourage you. It helps to know that in every battle, there are always casualties but with the right support, they make it just fine!

Quote – “Weeping may last for the night but joy comes in the morning”. It really is true.

Are You Suffering From Rejection?

2010-03-24T11:29:00.002Z

Though we don’t like to admit this, many of us are suffering from the effects of rejection. You may find yourself saying, “well I just got on with life” but have you really? By the way, just because you have physically moved on is no indication that same has taken place emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

Consider the impact the following situations may have had on you:

• Your partner (husband, boyfriend, fiancé, father of your kids) walking out on you?

• One or more of your parents/guardians making you feel that you were/are not important to them?

• Your friends, family, or spouse who are never available when you need help.

• Your spouse rejecting you.

• No one showing interest in you e.g. romantically.

• You did not get the promotion at work or the business deal/client despite you working long hours, hard work, dedication, high performance, etc.

• You keep getting knocked back.

• You feel your are being ostracized for being 'different'.

Whilst you might say, “well I just got on with life”. Have you really? By the way, just because you have physically moved on is no indication that same has taken place emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. How can you tell if you have accumulated emotional baggage from your experiences? It’s simple! Watch your attitudes, beliefs and behaviours. Here are some clues:

• You blame yourself though the issue may not lie with you.

• You reject others before they get a chance to reject you.

• You avoid any situations that might result in rejection (e.g. don’t apply for the job/promotion, avoid committing to a relationships, etc).

• You conform to what you feel others would accept.

When we experience rejection, we (consciously or not) endeavour to protect ourselves and/or deal with our situation (e.g. through the use of coping behaviours). The problem is that our chosen method may do us more harm that good. Moreover, when we fail to deal with our feelings of rejection, we may develop low self-worth, become insecure, loose our identity, become angry, obsessive, and much more. In short, you end up with more baggage!

So I encourage you, take a moment to reflect on whether you are suffering from rejection. Because whether you like it or not, it will become a stumbling block to your progress.

Change The Rules And Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life

2010-03-03T11:59:00.003Z

Is there a discrepancy between the life you live now and the life you dream of?Are you constantly frustrated by the way you have crafted your life?

If you answer ‘yes’ to any of the above, my question to you is what are you willing to do about it? Many of us crave change but do little or nothing to make the change a reality. Now let me put things into context here. Change does not have to be some huge life-changing activity (although it can include such goals). Nor does it have to take a great deal of effort to bring about the change. I often find that it is the little changes I make in my life that adds the most value.
For instance, I took a break from work to reinvigorate myself and refocus. During this time, I realised that I was not satisfied with certain areas of my life especially around my work/life balance. And as a result, some of my values and passions took a back seat. Therefore, during my time out, I created some new rules to make the best of the rest of my life. These include:

1. Learning how to swim. This has been a desire for at least a decade, but I have always been too busy to take lessons. Meanwhile, when I go on beach vacations, I get frustrated that I can't do all the water sports. So now, I have carved out time for this and I am now progressing to intermediate level (hurray!). Olympics 2012 watch out!

2. Abolishing working on weekends! My routine for close to a decade is to work 6.5 days a week. And yet I wondered why I was tired, stressed out – amongst others. So now, Saturdays are for me to do whatever I like. And, if I have to work on a Saturday (e.g. speak at an event), it automatically means I have the next Monday off to catch up with myself. As for Sundays, after church, I come home and do absolutely nothing! What bliss!

3. Investing more time to write. This is my number one passion and with at least ten books half completed, I will prioritise and dedicate more time to this, daily! No excuses!

4. Going to bed earlier. Sleeping late is a bad habit I formed over the years. And so, my new rule is to stop any form of ‘night work’ e.g. sitting in front of the TV with my laptop or staying late in my office. Instead, I retire to bed early where I read a book for a while, listen to music, reflect, or pray for a bit and then fall asleep. I now get between 6-8 hrs a night as opposed to 3-4hrs. What a difference it makes.

5. Eating better. I actually thought I was doing this until I questioned whether my eating habits were actually nourishing my body. Hence, I decided to include thoughtful planning as opposed to a slap-dash approach to just filling my stomach with anything lurking about. Plus I made a few new rules such as trying new foods, not eating the same thing twice in a row, cook/bake/grill/steam versus microwave – all in the aid of nourishing my body.

My rules give you a flavour of simple changes you can make. Now please bear in mind that Rome was not build in a day. It has cost me time and patience plus a willingness to change. Moreover, I got support by informing those around me of my changes.

“But why did I bother?” You may ask. You see, I finally got the fact that this is it! By this, I mean this is my life. I won't get a second chance to live it again. So I have to take charge and change the rules (both personal and professional), so I can live the rich, abundant and fulfilled like I know I can have.

So are you willing to change the rules? If this is your desire but you already have 101 reasons why you cannot make the change, Coach Gladys has some tips to help you along:

 Aim to make small but significant changes. Then build on this as you progress.

 Don’t be afraid to change what is not working for you. Remember, this is your life we are talking about. It is not a rehearsal!

 Avoid things out of your control. You can't control the weather, financial climate, nor can you change people. However, you can manage your life better around your circumstances.

 Rather than thinking, “I can't”, come up with creative ways as to how you can. Talk it through with someone. Two heads are better than one.

 Let go of what you think you want and focus on what you really need. Think in terms of what your life needs right now, that if continually absent, would have a negative impact on your life. For me, I realised I needed to slow down, rest and have more fun (amongst others). In doing so, I can be more productive in the hours I dedicate to work. So what do you really need?

 Get support from others. Tell them about the changes you intend to make and ask them to check up on you every so often. It really does help

Don’t Let The Credit Crunch Get You Down

2010-02-10T11:59:00.001Z

When you mention the current economic climate, many of us tend to focus on its financial impact, our job security, and so on. However, the effects of the recession can be more far-reaching than this. If care is not taken, it can affect your emotional and mental wellbeing – a condition I am referring to as the ‘Recession Syndrome’.

And so, you may find yourself becoming depressed about your situation. You may display negative emotions (e.g. fear, anger, bitterness). You may even resort to ‘blocking out’ your circumstances through the use of food, alcohol, spending, etc. Simply put, you have now amassed emotional baggage of your own.

So what can you do to safeguard you emotional wellbeing? I have five powerful tips for you:

Become Adaptable – This simply means you becoming flexible in your ways. Having this ability will get you through the peaks and troughs of life. So I encourage you to reflect on your attitudes, beliefs and behaviours that may not serve you during this fleeting season.

Shift Your Focus – Don’t get too stuck on this current climate - especially the things out of your control. Try shifting your focus and energy on the changes you can make such as planning for your future. Develop a positive outlook and avoid all the ‘doom and gloom’ messages. Remember, just like any other season, this one will surely pass.

Take Control Of Your Life – Could you benefit from reviewing your personal circumstances (job/career, money, etc)? To alleviate the ‘pressures’ (especially financial), why not consider re-evaluating how you spend your time, money, effort, etc. Aim to eliminate stressors in your life.

Build In Some ‘Me Time’ – Press the pause button regularly so you have time to reflect on your wellbeing. Don’t fall into the trap of getting so busy that you loose sight of what is going on with ‘you’ the person. Reflect on various aspects of your life and create a personal action plan to implement necessary changes.

Get A Supportive Network – Surround yourself with people who can give you support when needed. One way of doing this is starting an eWoman Group which is all about promoting emotional wellbeing and developing women. In this forum, you get to talk about issues, develop yourself and learn in a supportive forum. Having the right people around really does help.

In closing, always remember that seasons change. Being the CEO of Your Life, simply re-strategise and create a plan of action to get you through this period whilst remaining intact (on every level). So take charge and do whatever it takes to make it through this time. After all, you are worth it!

A New Year, A New You!

2010-01-20T00:58:00.000Z

Being a new year, our resolution lists tend to feature the goals we want to accomplish. However, they rarely include (or prioritise) goals that focus on our own personal development. Working on our inner selves tends to take a back seat whilst we strive for what we, at times, consider to be more important or worthwhile. But without clearing out your old ‘junk’, how will you make room for the new? Moreover, what will your chances of success be with all the inner clutter you are carrying around? Sounds hard but it is worth a second thought.

You may be wondering why working on 'you' is so important? Well the truth is what resides on the inside of you (the good, bad and the ugly) underpins your behaviours/actions. And your behaviours/actions have a direct impact on your outcomes (i.e. your goals, performance, effectiveness, etc). So, if you are harbouring inner clutter (e.g. unresolved issues, negative emotions, etc), you may find yourself striving but not achieving the outcomes you want, when you want and/or how you want.

To make matters worse, rather than making the necessary adjustments, some of us opt to ‘cover up’ with our masks whilst pouring in more effort into our goals by working harder and harder. But have you noticed that no matter how hard you work or how much you achieve; your inner clutter still hampers you? Just look around you - take a peek into homes, offices, communities, the media or society at large, and you can see the detrimental effects of inner turmoil and clutter (i.e. emotional baggage) in peoples lives.

Therefore, I challenge you to prioritise working on YOU this year. Make this the year you tackle your emotional clutter (e.g. unresolved issues, low self-esteem, fear, etc). Work on creating a healthier and stronger inner being. Trust me, it is worth paying the price now rather than latter because emotional baggage is like garden weed - it continues to thrive and can ruin a beautiful garden. So deal with them today!

Don’t Let Your Emotional Baggage Get In Your Way!

2009-03-24T05:24:00.001Z

Many of us have our feet firmly planted on the treadmills of life – pursuing careers, building businesses, running homes, etc. Hence, our lives become so cluttered, we loose sight of the woman we have become. Rarely do we have adequate time (and space) to deal with what’s going on within us. And when you add to the equation the life challenges we face, it’s no surprise we become laden with emotional baggage (e.g. unresolved issues, negative emotions, unhealthy or inaccurate mindsets, etc). Rather than dealing with it, many of us opt to brush it aside and keep sprinting through life. After all, we have so much to do.
But what you may fail to realise is that when you don’t deal with your baggage, it can hinder you from operating at your best. It also has a tendency of becoming a stumbling block further down the line. Over time, we see the rise of what I refer to as a female hybrid i.e. a pale version of the woman you were created to be. The problem with being a female hybrid is that you are constantly trying to compensate for the baggage you are carrying with you. And so, you may use the likes of food, spending, alcohol, drugs, sex or work as a distraction or to make yourself feel better. But as you can imagine, this only causes problems later on. So, to avoid emotional baggage or living as a female hybrid, read my five tips to help you along the way.

Slow Down: Living a fast-paced life gives you little or no time to focus inwardly.
Rebalance Your Life: Get a healthy balance between your work and personal life. Failing to do so will surely grant you a lifetime membership in the female hybrid club.
Reflect Regularly: Schedule some time to catch up with yourself or else you may become oblivious to the emotional baggage you maybe stockpiling.
Take Regular Retreats: Lack of rest aids the accumulation of emotional baggage. So schedule regular retreats to pause from your hectic lifestyle and allow room for restoration.
Deal With Your Baggage: Is there a situation you are yet to get over? Is there someone you need to confront, forgive, release, or separate yourself from? Whatever your baggage is, I suggest you take steps to dealing with it. If needed, talk to someone. Trust me, it helps!

Tough But Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself

2009-01-12T23:46:00.003Z

We all shy away from asking ourselves tough questions. Maybe because we are afraid of the answers. So we adopt common approaches that include burying our heads in the sand, wearing a mask and pretending like every thing is ok. But who are we kidding especially as we are falling apart at the seems? To hold ourselves together, we opt for temporary plasters (e.g. food, alcohol, money, sex, drugs). But all they do is cause further problems down the line.

So you now face a crossroad. You can choose to remain the way you are or start your journey to becoming female hybrid-free? So what is it going to be? If it is the later, start by answering the following questions:

Who am I?
What do I really want?
What motives and intentions are driving my actions (good, bad and the ugly)?
What attitudes and personal beliefs do I hold on to? Are they serving me?
What are my worst fears?
Am I happy with the real me – the one I hide from others?

Ponder on your answers. What are the themes showing up? What area of your life do you need to be focusing on now? Whatever you do, I encourage you to take action.

Are You A Female Hybrid?

2008-12-27T17:04:00.003Z

On our journeys in life, we at times experience challenges and/or situations that may result in hurt, pain, disappointment, grief and separation. As a result, you may find yourself emotionally battered, bruised and wounded. Coupled with the ‘stuff’ you may have been carrying from your yesteryears, it is possible you find yourself living as a mere shadow of the woman you once were. I call this woman a ‘female hybrid’.

So what does a female hybrid look like? For a start, female hybrids come from all walks of life. They tend to exhibit a combination of incorrect, unhealthy and/or self-defeating attitudes, beliefs and behaviours. Over the years, I have come across several female hybrid characteristics. For example, there is the ‘Female Masquerader’ who ‘masks’ her pain with the likes of her success, personality, appearance, busyness, etc. There is the ‘Female Superhero’ who saves the world yet has no support system in place to meet her own needs. The chances are she is also driven to her good deeds by the wrong motives. There is also the ‘Female Clone’ who spends her life dancing to the tune of others. And the list goes on (I have characterised ten different female hybrid tendencies in my book, Overcoming Emotional Baggage, where I go into further detail).

The truth of the matter is that your emotional baggage will affect you in some shape or form – be it professionally, personally, spiritually, financially, etc. In my years of coaching women, I have seen emotional baggage tarnish the sparkle of many would-be highfliers, paralyse many great women, cause women who normally exhibit good judgement make the most absurd, unwise, incomprehensible decisions. I have also seen it wreck relationships and thwart careers. Maybe you can relate to any of this? I know I certainly can! Hence, my desires to ensure women have the means and support to tackle their own female hybrid tendencies. To get you on track, I suggest you follow my three simple steps I mention in my book.

1. Become more aware of yourself. This will help you identify any female hybrid-like tendencies you may have.
2. Accept the fact that you have emotional baggage to deal with.
3. Be willing to take the right action for you.

In closing, I encourage you take time out to give yourself a emotional health check. Are there unresolved issues lurking about? Have you become a female hybrid? Use this season to work on YOU and build yourself up emotionally. Why? Because 1) it takes a lot of effort living as a hybrid whilst trying to keep up the façade. 2) Your baggage will dilute or thwart all your efforts and good intentions. 3) Your female hybrid tendencies and emotional baggage will keep resurfacing and may trip you up time and time again.

Want to discover if you have become a female hybrid or gain insight on the different kinds of emotional baggage female hybrids carry? All this and more can be discovered by working through my book, Overcoming Emotional Baggage. It has insightful exercises, nuggets of wisdom and plenty of food for thought to support you on your journey. So get your copy today!!!

Five Rules For The Woman Who Can't Say 'No'

2008-12-27T15:28:00.006Z

Do you find it difficult to say ‘no’? Feel guilty when you do? Maybe you find yourself bending over backwards to please others despite the negative impact it has on your life. If so, I believe you will find my five commandments liberating. So here goes:

1. Thou shalt not volunteer for every task/project on sundry – This is regardless of the shortage of volunteers or the compelling nature of the cries for help. It matters not that you can do the task with your eyes closed or you are happy to give up even more of your sleep (yet again!). Feel free to walk away from it – or at least till you can think carefully through any decision you might make. PS: Just in case you feel like the world will stop spinning because you said ‘no’ – IT WON’T! (trust me). Other people have been lined up to do the task. The only problem is that you keep refusing to let go. And so others don’t get a chance.

2. Thou shalt learn to say ‘no’ more often AND resist the guilt-trips you feel when you do. To combat these guilt trips, say out loud to yourself “I choose to say ‘no’ on this occasion and this is the decision I have made. So get over it, Woman!” Under no circumstances are you to wind yourself up with so much guilt that you change your decision (regardless of the sob stories, manipulation, etc) – only do so if your heart (not head) tells you to do so!

3. Love thy neighbour as thyself! When we think of this, some of us have it ingrained in us to constantly give of our selves. This in itself is not bad but I believe there is a cut-off here. Moreover, this commandment also gives us the liberty to love ourselves equally as we love others. To me, that allows me to not only do nice things for others but myself too! Plus, I don’t have to feel bad about it neither.

4. From hence forth, thy shalt put boundaries in place and no longer tolerate people who ill-treat you, does not value your existence or celebrate the woman you are. If proper care is not taken, these people may end up draining you physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. And you are too precious for that. Put healthy boundaries in place to ensure that these people do not ‘hack’ away the essence of your being. Have you noticed that when you don’t do this, you end up harbouring anger, bitterness and resentment against the person because of what they are doing to you (or should I say the things you allow them to do?). When necessary, confront the person(s), give them the room to change and let them know what the consequences would be if there is no change. Never be afraid of letting go of them to create room for healthier relationships.

5. Thou shalt not make your decisions based on what you think others will consider to be right, what others would be pleased with, etc. I implore you to start making your decisions from your heart not according to the gospel of all on sundry. You might do well by learning to block out those voices and not let them drive you to do things not right for you. Develop enough emotional strength to make decisions that are right for you and stick with them.

A Nigerian proverb says, “half a word is sufficient for the wise”. Oh and by the way, the grave is full of indispensable people.