In part one of this article, we
considered giving our minds an emotional spring clean to declutter ourselves
from the ‘emotional junk’ we pick up through the seasons of our lives. These can include issues around our unresolved issues (past or present),
negative emotions (e.g. fear, guilt, shame, unforgiveness, etc), unhealthy
mindsets, inner conflicts and much more.
This is a plague that affects the body of Christ just as
much as it affects the secular world. Somehow, many of us struggle with
work/life balance and often find ourselves on the verge of burnout. As you
probably know, in this state, you are of no use to yourself, others or God.
Hence, your first priority should be to take time out and nurture yourself back
to health. Below are some ideas on how to do this.
Spring is in the air and many of us take time out to spring clean our
homes, garages, etc to get rid of all the clutter and dirt we have accumulated
over the past seasons. But as you go about doing this, have you considered giving
your mind a spring clean too, to get rid of any emotional clutter and junk you
may have accumulated?
During our first Overcoming Emotional Baggage for WomenConference (2010), a conference aimed at
supporting women with troubled souls and discouraged hearts, I spoke on a topic titled, “When Life Hurts…What Next?”. The aim was to encourage women to start their
journey to restoration rather than continue to live with their
unresolved issues.
When you have been hurt
by others, how do you react? Like many, you might say, ‘I just move on’. But
the harsh reality for many is that they remain stuck. On the surface, they
might look OK, but underneath lies a heart scored with deep, oozing wounds.
In a bid to stop the
‘hurter’ or potential ‘hurters’ wounding us, we construct barriers around
ourselves. Then, when we look at life through the tinted lenses of our hurts,
trusting people – and even God – becomes a real issue, even when they pose no
threat to us. We bolt up the doors to our hearts and put up a sign that says:
‘No entry’.
Strange
question? Perhaps but could this be the reason why some of us are experiencing
a conundrum of modern syndromes/unexplained illnesses such as chronic fatigue, various
disorders (e.g. digestive, sleep, eating disorders), muscle aches/pains, etc?
In recent years, these have left many doctors baffled. More so, us Christians especially
as we fast, pray and bind the devil. But are we giving the enemy far too much
credit when in fact we should be looking closer to home?
After a while of people telling
you, “you are not good enough”, your confidence can get knocked, especially
when you start to hear it time and time again. You may find you start to second
guess yourself and self-doubt who you believe you are. But please be rest
assured that greatness lies within you. Just because others can't see it or
fail to appreciate it has nothing to do with the matter.
Do you sometimes feel like you are overlooked, that people
tend to forget you exist? Perhaps that is making you feel down as no one seems
to give two monkeys about you.
- I don’t have to be the one to help out people, family or friends all the time because God has others lined up to use too!
- I don’t have to be the one to bail family and friends out all the time – just do what I know what God wants me to do and leave the rest. I am not God.
Take it from a former Superwoman, these are vital empowering tips that have changed my life. So just in case you find it difficult to say ‘no’, feel guilty when they do, want to be ‘all things to all men’ and even bend over backwards to please others despite the negative impact it has on your life, I dedicate this to you. So here goes:
Do you find you are always wanting to please others or seek their approval? Maybe they have made you feel inadequate in the past and you are striving to live up to who they expect you to be? Or it could be you are seeking to get their attention or love because without it, you just don’t feel right? If that is the case, kindly pause for a moment.
Whilst you might real off a list of items like shoes, hand bags, clothes, gadgets, cars and the like, are these your REAL needs? The reality is that we have basic human needs such as having a sense of belonging, feeling loved, appreciated, esteemed, and feeling fulfilled. When we overlook these, they cause a gap or hole.
This morning in the gym, I attended a spin class. Despite attending spin classes for a while, it never seems to get any easier (gruelling but worth it). Anyhow, I was coming to the end of a particularly tough class with only 5 minutes to go of the 45-minute class. I had given the session everything I had and was now running out of steam. And so, I found myself slowing down. All of a sudden, I heard a voice shout out from behind me "only 34 miles per hour (mph)?". It was NOT God by the way! Apparently, one of my fellow classmates behind me thought my efforts were not good enough. And so he felt the need to share it with no only me be those nearby.
Have you noticed how society seems to increasingly want to influence our God-given identities? We get labels tagged on our backs to describe our race, background, life experiences, gender, past mistakes, health, marital status, job situation, worth and much more. After a while, it’s like we end up being a collage of labels with the real person God created missing in action. Even us Kingdom folk (co-heirs to the Throne, might I add) get caught up in these pseudo-identities and start to living up to them.
1. Strive to make the following a reality in your life: Equilibrium, Harmony, Peace, Contentment, Pace, Time management. 2. Try to avoid triggers that may affect your wellbeing e.g. Stress, pressure, over committing yourself, too much going on at the same time.
1. Uncover your ‘emotional baggage’ e.g. unresolved issues, negative emotions, unhealthy or inaccurate mindsets, etc.
2. Take action to bring about your emotional restoration and wellbeing: • God-help: Ask God to help you on your journey. Trust me, you will need His help to uncover, deal with any issues and embark your journey to wholeness.
Want to avoid emotional entanglements? Follow my four simple tips to help you become real with yourself:
Be Honest About The Way You Feel: This could be about the way you feel about a person (including yourself), a situation and/or experience. And accept the feelings and emotions that show up such as fear, grief, loss, hurt, etc. But don’t settle there. Take steps to bring about your restoration.
A note to all those who feel the need to tell me how to live, be, do, think...LET ME BE!
Let me be the woman I was created to be. You might not 'get' me or understand the rational behind what I do but that's ok. But please don't feel the need to change me into something I am not. Rather, make the effort to understand me. Better still; accept me the way I am. I'm not saying I have it all figured out or I'm any where near perfect but I'm a work in progress.
Does it sometimes feel like your mind is calling the shots of your life? If so, take charge! Remember your attitudes, beliefs, and thoughts drive your behaviours. So if you have been 'acting up' of late, you may want reflect on what you allow into your mind and/or what you have permitted to settle in it. Next, give your mind a Detox. I practice this through praying, reading scripture and other 'wholesome' food along with other activities to nurture and develop my mind. Practice this regularly and you WILL see a change.
Every year, millions of us start making plans to achieve our and/or professional goals. These may include landing a dream job, starting or building a business, buying a home, writing a book, embarking a training/professional programme, etc. However, if you are serious about making your goals/aspirations a success, I have a tip for you: Work on the inner you. Specifically, Get Rid Of Your Emotional Clutter!